When my middle boy was two I did actually start to eat less and exercise more, which I am told is the secret formula for dissolving chocolate induced calorie intake. I sweated away on treadmill and exercise bike and subsisted on celery and cottage cheese and my waist size did shrink a little accordingly, but then I found myself on holiday in the home of junk cuisine, the US of A and staring that tell tale blue line in the face. Cue stuffing my face on portions designed to satiate the appetite of a giant. I came home with a belly that suggested I was five months, not five weeks pregnant.
Cooking up an excuse not to shed the pounds this time round will be trickier as even I don't think I can really justify having a fifth child just to justify my chip consumption. I had decided to allow myself the indulgence of waiting the twenty months until my twins are two until I tackled my tummy, until my other half ruined it all and decided to diet all by himself.
Every time I pop a naughty but nice treat, just thinking about how good he is being makes me feel guilty. Not that I think this is entirely a bad thing, but it's alright for him. He sits in splendid isolation in a office bereft of treats like choccie biccies, crisps and an untold mountain of sweeties I have confiscated from the boys for the good of their teeth. Not to mention the fact that children's tea time sadistically coincides with the moment my tummy's rumbles reach epic proportions. Who can resist those leftovers when its hours since lunchtime and supper seems aeons away?
It's that age old problem for the stay-at-home mum, how to look like a yummy mummy when everything around you conspires to turn you into a mum with a tum. Still when the first thing your sons say when asked to describe you is that you have a big belly, perhaps its time to break my own rules and start to slim down before my youngest boys are out of nappies and eating for themselves.
The first problem I have set myself to solve is how, by the end of a day when I can hardly muster the energy to summon a takeaway, can I can prise myself from watching the contestants whip up a feast on Celebrity Masterchef, to actually make one of my own, and just to make it even more challenging, one that forgoes all things fun and fattening, while remaining tasty?
Suggestions on a postcard please....