Don't tell me that you haven't even noticed my absence?! Surely I am mortally offended, but what bashing my waistline into (sort of) submission, ditto my children, I haven't had a moment for self indulgent waffling.
But where to start after such a long break?
First off it's all about me, me, me, but I have lost a grand total of three stone in weight. I would love to say this means I am now a sylph, but sadly I am still a porker, just not quite such a gross one as before. This has been done by eating very little and haunting the gym, so it hasn't been that much fun, but as I squashed my ample belly into my first pair of size 12 jeans since I was in my 20s, I think it may well have all been worth it.
As for the children, the twins have morphed from babies to little boys. This is a mixed blessing. I adore their new walking, talking independence, but toddler twins are more than a little bit challenging. Firstly there are the stereo strops when they are denied such essentials as 'more bigits' (biscuits for the uninitiated), 'more Beebies' (self explanatory or 'baggy cheeha' (their favourite breakfast dish, a small plastic bag of Cheerios).
Then there is the walking. How a I longed for them to walk, but now they are both experts it can be quite a terrifying experience talking them out for a stroll. This half term when I was on duty with all four boys I decided to take them for a walk to the park - anything was preferable to watching them attempt to demolish the house brick by brick, which was their favoured activity when cooped up indoors.
We set off next to the busy road outside our house. Both twins were asserting their human right to walk, but I had the double buggy just in case (I am a seasoned mummy, I know this walking lark never lasts and I can't carry two at a time). As I struggled to keep one twin alive and steer the pushchair I delegated the care of the other to his big brother. Big mistake, huge.
While big bro is quite conscientious, he couldn't seem to grasp the fact that taking his eyes of his little brother for a second would almost inevitably result in disaster. After he let him stray into the path of oncoming traffic once too often i.e. once, the twins were strapped, wailing into the pushchair for the duration of the journey. Oh how I longed for the days before they walked.