I'm back

Don't tell me that you haven't even noticed my absence?! Surely I am mortally offended, but what bashing my waistline into (sort of) submission, ditto my children, I haven't had a moment for self indulgent waffling.

But where to start after such a long break?

First off it's all about me, me, me, but I have lost a grand total of three stone in weight. I would love to say this means I am now a sylph, but sadly I am still a porker, just not quite such a gross one as before. This has been done by eating very little and haunting the gym, so it hasn't been that much fun, but as I squashed my ample belly into my first pair of size 12 jeans since I was in my 20s, I think it may well have all been worth it.

As for the children, the twins have morphed from babies to little boys. This is a mixed blessing. I adore their new walking, talking independence, but toddler twins are more than a little bit challenging. Firstly there are the stereo strops when they are denied such essentials as 'more bigits' (biscuits for the uninitiated), 'more Beebies' (self explanatory or 'baggy cheeha' (their favourite breakfast dish, a small plastic bag of Cheerios).

Then there is the walking. How a I longed for them to walk, but now they are both experts it can be quite a terrifying experience talking them out for a stroll. This half term when I was on duty with all four boys I decided to take them for a walk to the park - anything was preferable to watching them attempt to demolish the house brick by brick, which was their favoured activity when cooped up indoors.

We set off next to the busy road outside our house. Both twins were asserting their human right to walk, but I had the double buggy just in case (I am a seasoned mummy, I know this walking lark never lasts and I can't carry two at a time). As I struggled to keep one twin alive and steer the pushchair I delegated the care of the other to his big brother. Big mistake, huge.

While big bro is quite conscientious, he couldn't seem to grasp the fact that taking his eyes of his little brother for a second would almost inevitably result in disaster. After he let him stray into the path of oncoming traffic once too often i.e. once, the twins were strapped, wailing into the pushchair for the duration of the journey. Oh how I longed for the days before they walked.

Monkey business

It has been some long while since I had the time or inclination to put fingertip to keyboard and update this blog. Shame on me, but with four children aged seven and under under my feet for the past two and a half weeks, simply remaining vaguely sane over the festive period has been a strain. Add to this the continuation of my battle against the bulge and you can understand why witty quips haven't been fast flowing of late.

I am proud to say that I actually managed to continue to lose weight over Christmas, thanks to a iron willpower and throwing out all the leftovers the moment that forks had ceased to be raised to our mouths. Though how I have resisted raiding the children's mountain of sweets remains a mystery, even to myself.

So far I am a stone down on my original gargantuan weight. Although it feels somehow wrong to be celebrating the fact that a size 18 no longer feels like an 18th Century corset on me, I am still quietly pleased to be back into my 'small' jeans, despite the fact that to most they would be grossly huge.

I am sure that the majority of my reduction is down to the sadistic personal trainer who smiles as he makes me drag my wobbly ass up flight after flight of stairs whilst lugging iron kettlebells behind me, a bit like poor old Marley dragging his chains as constant companions on an eternal painful journey.

You see I decided to solve the problem of my weight as I solve most conundrums - throw money at it. I am spending an amount that is almost as painful to contemplate as the sessions themselves, but if the results so far are anything to go by, I think it is worth every penny. Clearly this is how stars melt away the baby fat, it is so much easier to keep up the motivation when you have a six foot wall of muscle wielding a set of shiny dumb bells breathing down your neck.

I will also admit that escaping to the gym has also given me the odd break in the monotony of taking care of my four increasingly bored children. While I looked forward to the holidays like a thirsty desert traveller longs for a cooling oasis, once the main event was over my God did the days begin to drag. I think I ran out of ideas and patience around Boxing Day, and yet the children are still not back at school thanks to the thoughtful addition of two inset days.

Today I enlisted my mum to help me entertain them and we marched them off to London Zoo which was infested with photographers snapping shots of the keepers counting their animals like latter day Noahs for the annual stocktake. The paps with their huge lenses and psuedo flack jackets were almost as fascinating to small boys as the exotic species.

My boys' interest levels in the livestock rose and fell directly in line with how likely it was that they might be able to dish out a fatal wounding, so lions, poisonous frogs, snakes and spiders were kings of the beasts, while vibrantly plumed birds and fluffy little monkeys were given short shrift. Still it was another day passed and 24 hours closer to back to school. Hurrah.

I just hope when relative peace reigns throughout the house once again the gym won't lose it's attraction as a haven of serenity amidst the chaos of family life. Still there's always the weekends.

Happy New Year to one and all and fingers crossed in 2011 this blog will be all about me and my ever decreasing circumference....

P.S. a big fat thank you to all at the wonderful Ready for Ten for including little old FDMTG in their round up of the top 50 blogs for 2010. Not sure after recent neglect it is entirely deserved, but perhaps I will live up to the compliment this year.