Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Hello strangers

To quote the inimitable Harry from The Only Way is Essex 'OH MY GOD'. So much has happened in the last few weeks which is why there has been radio silence chez FDMTG. And then I go and kick off my first post in ages with the shameful confession of my new guilty pleasure - the so dreadful it's addictive The Only Way is Essex.

I just love it, they are all so touchingly cardboard and shallow, with their Tango spray tans, oh-so-unnatural hair extensions and deliciously chavvy accents. The real reason I adore it so much is because at heart I will always be an Essex girl myself. Had I not been plucked out of this most maligned of counties at the tender age of 12 I have no doubt that I would have misspent my youth flaunting my cleavage and suggestively licking my lip gloss at The Sugar Hut in an unveiled attempt to shag blokes like Mark. Oh the shame.

My infinitely classier and more high brow husband is still shocked at just how authentic an Essix accent I can come out with. When I put it on his middle class sensibilities have him cringing in disgust as he begs me to revert to my everyday, classless tones. So I am loving the antics of the Essex crew and marvelling at their attention to detail when it comes to dolling themselves up.

It's no wonder we never really see any of them doing any work, as they must spend all the hours they aren't propping up the bars in the nightspots of Brentwood, getting their nails/hair/make up done, being spray tanned, sticking on vajazzles, working out at the gym and researching where to get the best boob job. And that's just the boys. 

I guess I am living proof that you can take the girl out of Essex, but you can't take Essex out of the girl.

Aside from my latest addiction the other things that have been keeping me from blogging are, in no particular order, a family crisis of too much tedium and painfulness to share, multiple birthday parties - thank God they are all over now and the momentous occasion which saw the final boy take to his feet (warning super cute video alert, though due to all the maternal shrieking it's best viewed with the sound off). Oh and throw in much work related stress and perhaps it is no wonder that the poor old blog has been pushed to the back of the queue.

But now I am back and raring to report on the mischief made by my all-walking family. I finally feel as if I have four sons, as opposed a mixed bag of sons and babies, however I do think that collective noun for my sons should be a 'chaos', as their capacity to wreak it has increased ten-fold with their developing perambulation skills.


  1. Classy and high brow? Moi?

  2. No, I think you will find that I said you were more classy and high brow than Mark from The Only Way is Essex, which I can assure you is not such a compliment.

  3. Congratulations on four walking sons! I hope everything else is OK - email me.... xx

  4. Welcome back! Must check out that programme - sounds excellent. Four walking sons - yikes - two reduce me to a quivering wreck.

  5. HCM - glad to know I was missed, I wondered if anyone would notice.

  6. A chaos of sons. I like it.

    What would be the collective noun for daughters? A drama of daughters? A whimsy of daughters? A salon of daughters?

    And what about people like me who have a mixed brood? A gaggle of children? A flurry of children? A turmoil of children?

  7. Wow! He's not doing it by halves is he? Talk about hit the floor running!
    And as a girl who grew up amid the delights of Sarfend-on-Sea, I have to agree that you can bury it as you will - but Essix will always out in the end.
    Have to admit to a proud happy clap along with you!

  8. Haha...NappyValley said you'd been writing about the programme, so I had to see what you thought...I just can't watch it...I see too many of the people in it walking down Loughton high street everyday....real sense of humour failure on my part - I must lighten up!