Things I would never have said before becoming a parent

Of course there are all the usual things that you promised you would never say when you were a kid, but I am thinking of the more surreal utterances that parenthood adds to your repertoire. 

'Take that bag off your head before you brush your teeth, Max'

'Don't lick that, Max' (referring to the fence between the South Bank and the Thames, really don't ask)

'Max, don't sit on the dinosaur'

'Why are you walking backwards across the road Max?'

'Get your face out of the hummus pot Max'

'Stop eating the cat food Max'

The inspiration for this post is my second son who at just three years old has already shown an early talent for getting into tricky situations.