Things you should never say to a mum of multiples

Firstly, anyone thinking of stopping a twinmummy on the street to share the following pearls of wisdom, just bear in mind that it has probably taken her the best part of a hour just to cobble together buggy, babies and baggage and manhandle them out of the house. She has a scant few moments between exiting her front door and one or both of the babies screaming blue murder for food, cuddles, a nappy change or the hell of it, so ask yourself does she really want to waste those precious minutes chatting to you? If you still think the answer is yes, then make sure you've read this handy guide before you open your mouth. 

1. 'Are they twins?' Err, why else would I be pushing around two newborns and sporting the pallor of a recently exhumed corpse. Of course they're bloody well twins. 

2. 'Are they natural?' Nope they're made of plastic - realistic aren't they? Oh I see you were actually expecting me to share my fertility history with you, a complete stranger? Forgive me if I would like to keep the details of my sex life a private matter. 

3. 'Are they identical?' Well if you take a look then the answer is self evident - do they look the same? This is a particular favourite of mums with girl/boy twins. 

4. 'My sister/neighbour/friend had twins. It was a NIGHTMARE!' Well thanks so much for sharing, that made my day. I shall proceed home to wallow in post natal depression following these kind words. 

5. 'You've got your hands full'. You don't say? So why are you wasting my time by stating the bleeding obvious? 

6. 'I always dreaded having twins. One was hard enough'. This one holds particularly fond memories for me as it was said to me by a midwife who had been sent out following a tearful call to the local hospital as I was in the throes of postnatal hormonal hell. Though a variation on the this theme was said to a fellow twin mum at a playgroup as a smug singleton mum told her 'Whenever I am having a really bad day, I think of you and feel better'. Sure didn't make my friend feel any better though. 

7. 'I don't know how you cope'. Well what do you suggest? I can't send them back where they came from now can I?

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