1. Take the bus. Today the twins and I went for a stroll along the green walk behind our house. It's a lovely shady place to hide from the heat, and we spent a blissful half an hour playing under the arching shade of a magnificent chestnut tree. But all this having fun meant that I lost track of time and the twins switched instantly from peaceful to passionate complaints about the lack of tea. Now there is a bus that can whizz you home from the park to our house, but this option is barred to my baby twins as you have to fold down your buggy to board the bus. Short of growing another pair of arms there was no way I could carry two babies and a folded double buggy onto the bus. So instead I 'enjoyed' a hot, sweaty route march home, serenaded all the way by the stereo screams of my starving babies.
2. Share a bubble bath. One of my little pleasures with my two singleton babies was wallowing in their bath with them. Feeling their slick soft baby bodies close against mine again, dribbling water over their downy (or down right bald in my firstborn's case) and watching them blink in surprise as this brand new sensation. Blowing bubbles and splashing water way over the sides of the bath. They loved it, I loved it and my husband was in hysterics when he came home from work to find two or three in the bath. But with two babies the mix of water and wriggling infants is downright lethal. Again I have tried to come up with a solution. I could bath with one, but the inevitable screams from the other would somewhat destroy the atmosphere, not to mention all the unsightly naked running around that would be required to towel dry one, undress the other and return to the bath. Not quite the fun, relaxing experience I so fondly remember with numbers one and two.
3. Use a baby sling. OK they do sell twin slings, but at over £100 a pop and only lasting till they are three months old this investment seemed a little profligate, and now that my two monster babies weigh more than 14kg (30lbs) combined there is no way my back could take two in a sling. But again I am sad to miss the freedom of strapping a baby to my front and having a whole two hands free to link up with my other sons as we cross the road or roam the shops. Instead I am resigned to being forever at the helm of a stately double buggy.
3. Support your local shops. The only way me and my double buggy can support the local shops is by helping to prop up their doorways when it becomes immovably wedged between the jambs. Unless we want to cause lasting structural damage us twin parents are relegated to the evils of supermarkets, shopping centres and out-of-town retail parks.
4. Feeding outside the house. With one baby whether you choose breast or bottle, once you are over that awkward initial period while you both get to grips with feeding, it's pretty easy to feed while out and about. With two it's a whole different ball (boob or bottle) game. I didn't breast feed, after failing abysmally with one baby, I wasn't about to attempt it with two, but I am not sure how twin mummies can breast feed two at a time, without either giving the entire populace an eyefull, or shrouding themselves in a breastfeeding burkha. That said bottle feeding isn't any easier. You have two choices, feed one, while the other shouts loudly to all and sundry about his awful, neglectful mother, or feed both and lose the use of both hands for the length of the feed. The latter is just about doable on your own, but very ill advised if you are in company of one or more other little boys, who take their mother's temporary disability as an opportunity to wreak havoc unchecked.
5. Get anything done. It is a rule that with twins the moment you start anything that isn't entirely focused on servicing their needs, they will do everything in their power to stop you. Take this blog post for example, it has taken me five attempts to get it up online, and even now as I type twin one is yelling for attention as I have been distracted by my own concerns for far too long for his liking, proving my point perfectly.....